hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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