So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
