It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
