Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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