I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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