I saw his package. It spoke to me.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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