I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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