i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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