I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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