I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
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Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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