All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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