she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
A+ Viking dick
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
