shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
