My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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