Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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