Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's never too late to be topless.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
