you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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