Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
