The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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