shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
