I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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