I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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