my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
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Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize