I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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