Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
