Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Randomize
