so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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