Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
His hands were made for my vagina.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
