ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
