i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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