Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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