I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
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