y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
