Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
