3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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