What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
