My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
