remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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