We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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