This is not my ceiling
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
