I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
