everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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