I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis