the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?