I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.