I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal