theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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