i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
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She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
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They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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