Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
