she peed on how many people?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
