Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
