Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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