I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
God I need to hump something, right now.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize