Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
