dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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