you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
