We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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