I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
