Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
