That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
