so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
