Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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