My liver just broke up with me...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
