Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
