honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
