i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
