i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
