Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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