I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
