I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize