We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
