What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
