i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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