never play flip cup with pint glasses
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
