Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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