If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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