Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
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