If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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