YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
