we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
