It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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