Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
